


Childhood is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies

by tomfoolery14



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Family Feels, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 18:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17751509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomfoolery14/pseuds/tomfoolery14
Summary: “It must be hard for you. I imagine the only thing worse than a complex family history of burned bridges would be not having one at all.” Carefully bracketing Magnus’ knees with his legs, Alec lowered himself into his lap.Magnus set his drink on the table to rub his palms over Alec’s thighs affectionately. “I’m happy with the family I’ve built. I’ve been fortunate to have cultivated relationships with extraordinary people, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about what it could have been like to have a mother who didn’t fear me and take her own life because of the shame she felt at creating me. Or if I said I didn’t wonder what I could have become if my father were capable of loving me and teaching me about my magic without a hidden agenda, a strategy to collect my soul like a prize to be won.”





	Childhood is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies

“Another successful dinner with your mother,” Magnus mused, dropping into his favorite high-backed chair with a fresh martini in hand. “I never would have thought.”

Alec laughed, closing the door and resting his back against it. The smile on his face was small but delightfully warm. “Family is complicated.”

“Mm,” Magnus hummed in agreement, tracing the rim of his glass delicately. The gold tinted light of the chandelier caught on the edge of his script  _M_  and  _B_  rings as he rounded the top. A terrifyingly well-timed reminder of his own lineage. “And the Lightwood lineage would certainly not be the exception.”

On his way across the room, Alec stopped at the stereo to flick it to life. “It must be hard for you. I imagine the only thing worse than a complex family history of burned bridges would be not having one at all.” Carefully bracketing Magnus’ knees with his legs, Alec lowered himself into his lap.

Magnus set his drink on the table to rub his palms over Alec’s thighs affectionately. “I’m happy with the family I’ve built. I’ve been fortunate to have cultivated relationships with extraordinary people, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about what it could have been like to have a mother who didn’t fear me and take her own life because of the shame she felt at creating me. Or if I said I didn’t wonder what I could have become if my father were capable of loving me and teaching me about my magic without a hidden agenda, a strategy to collect my soul like a prize to be won.”

It had never been a secret that Magnus believed in the sanctity of family. Many of New York’s downworlders were like children to him—he’d all but raised some of them. He knew what it was like to have to figure out the world all on one’s own, and found it was a crushingly heavy burden to carry. And then there were Catarina and Ragnor, the closest thing he’d ever had to siblings, to equals. He couldn’t ask for anyone better for all intents and purposes, but somewhere deep inside of himself, he acknowledged that ever since he began seeing Alec, and by extension observing his family, he was increasingly aware of what he had never had before.

Alec tilted his head slightly, eyebrows drawn in consternation.

“I think it’s the curse of the children that we have to look back at our families, our parents, and swear we would do better for our own family.  And yet, people like me, we can’t…” Magnus trailed off, looking up into the deep, hazy depths of Alec’s eyes. He always felt welcomed there, no matter how unworthy he might feel.

“But you’ve thought about it?” Alec pressed carefully, resting his forearms on Magnus’ shoulders, caressing the back of his neck with his calloused fingers.

Chuckling wryly, Magnus nodded. “Of course I have, Alexander. I lived through many periods of history during which it was imperative to have children, expected without question. And beyond that, I…I’ve always wanted to have the chance. To make something better.” His breath hitched in his chest for a moment as he soldiered on. “There’s been so much death and destruction in my past, and even if history can’t be rewritten, I’ve changed and I want to reflect that. I want to put my energy into life, not death. Not anymore.” 

“I know the feeling,” Alec replied softly, breath tickling Magnus’ cheeks. “I used to think about the children I might have someday, when I was forced into a sham of a marriage to a woman I couldn’t love. I thought maybe kids could be the silver lining; that I would love them so much and I would want to teach them everything, give them everything, and that would make it bearable. Maybe I wouldn’t feel miserable and tempted to give in to just giving up if I had something that incredible to keep my feet on the ground.”

There was an undeniable ache in Magnus’ chest at Alec’s words. Broken people sought out broken people, so the saying went.

“Have your feelings changed?” Alec probed after a pregnant pause. His fingers had found their way into the short hairs at the base of Magnus’ skull, raking through gently.

Magnus pulled Alec closer, hitching his knees further up against his thighs. “Only in the way that my resolve has strengthened. Have yours?”

Alec noticeably hesitated at the question, and Magnus’ interest was immediately piqued. “Sometimes, I think back on what I used to picture, only now it involves you, someone that I can’t imagine my life without. And I think about how wonderful it would be to share that with you. And with them.”

Magnus couldn’t help himself—he kissed Alec enthusiastically, lips parted and slick and wanting. “Baby, I want that too.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://royaltybane.tumblr.com)


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